Serving Single Dads

“Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court” (Psalm 127:5 NIV).

How the church can do more?

According to a recent post in the DailySignal.com, one in three children live in a single-parent household. This clearly presents challenges for the parent who is raising the children. A child needs an active father and mother in their life and when one is missing or present on a limited basis, it can be difficult for the child. Men face the same challenges as women in raising children, but some churches fail to offer programs and support for single fathers.

Mark May with Caedan and Kamden

Jermaine Maberry with Trinity and Tristan

Peter Signorelli with Seth and Luke

James Haase with Sophia and Olivia

This issue is very personal for Mark May. During the day, he is the chairman and CEO of his own company. But his real job is raising his two boys, Caedan, 15, and Kamden, 13. May has been a single dad for four years, and he shares joint custody with his ex-wife.

May says that when he sees a single mom, his instinct is to offer help and assistance, but as a single dad, he doesn’t feel the same concern from others. (Perhaps they feel that men don’t need help?) Or it could be that since most pastors have not been divorced, they are at a disadvantage in relating to the needs of single dads. They don’t have the necessary experience to relate to these men who tend to be quiet and low-key. As a result, church leaders tend not to develop ministries for them … the “squeaky wheel gets the grease” theory.

A few close friends can make all the difference. May has a small circle of friends that he can meet

Paul Murphy with Kara and Jaelyn

with immediately if he needs parenting advice or emotional support. His circle is totally comprised of married men who are caring and very good listeners. They are a valuable resource because of their availability and willingness to help with any problem.

As for the children, an active church-based youth program is critical. Mark felt blessed by a youth pastor who was engaged in his kids’ lives and made sure they always felt welcome and had a good time. Because of an open door policy, the children felt comfortable talking with him about problems such as “Why are my parents getting divorced and what does this mean for me?”

Mark is passionate about helping the next generation of single and divorced dads. He does not want them to have to go through the same hardships he did. He says he “muscled through it,” but he encourages fathers to do more than that.”

“Keep your kids involved in youth programs at church and attend church on a weekly basis,” he said. “Engage them in Bible studies at home and reinforce God’s love for them. Show them God’s love with your actions as well as your words, and get a small group of friends or an accountability group that has open, confidential and honest communication.”

Single Dads Share Their Thoughts

“ it is important to remember that we are the church, the Body of Christ, and we are called to serve each other. The church has the opportunity to help single dads raise children as effectively as a single mom. The church can provide fathers with the confidence to know they can do it alone. ” – Erik Burns, Denham Springs

“ Churches need an engaged youth program to help children understand divorce and that God’s love is greater than divorce or anything created by man. ” – Peter signorelli, Prairieville

“ i would say the biggest struggle as a single dad was feeling the void that i imagine my daughter felt from the absence of her mother. ” – Jimmy Haase, Addis

“ Single dads need help to address the needs of young girls. Women in church can advise them on a number of issues and provide a strong faith-based woman in their lives. ” – Paul Murphy, French Settlement

“ Church and society seem to believe single dads can do everything alone and tend not to provide them with the assistance that they give single moms. ” – Pastor Jermaine T. Maberry, Crowley

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for the blessing of children. Help us to raise them to seek Your face.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Unity in the Body of Christ

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called” (Ephesians 4:2-4 NIV).

Church attendance and tithing continues to plunge. Sadly, many churches close each year due to insufficient funds to operate. As disciples of Christ, it is incumbent upon us to raise up new disciples. We must find our “Timothy” as did the Apostle Paul. Actually, we must find at least two or three for the church universal to grow.

I have spoken to friends that tell me they are not interested in attending any church because of “division, gossip, and politics.” If there is any place that we should be able to go to avoid division, it should be to the church. However, we are all human and are all sinners. As humans, we have a

desire for sin. Scripture warns of actions that are despised by God. “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community” (Proverbs 6:16-19). Our mutual love for God should always be greater than our individual differences in politics or theology.

People do not want to join any secular or religious organization in which they feel uncomfortable. Also, people want to join groups that build them up. We have all been hypocrites at various times. Remember, a disciple is one that is actively seeking to disciple others. How can we disciple others when our words don’t match our actions?

Christians are called to live in community and not in isolation. This experience of community stands in marked contrast to the fractious ways we meet together in most other places in our culture. We all need to be taught how to be “together in Christ.” It does not come naturally. Our national political discourse reinforces polarizing viewpoints. Rarely are we taught how to watch over one another in love. By coming together in a prayerful posture and listening for God’s message through scripture, a sense of community is created. Unity in the Body of Christ is essential for us to fulfill The Great Commission.

Living in peace with our neighbors is essential for our discipleship efforts. We are a royal priesthood and sanctified for His purpose. Our sin separates us from holiness and prevents us and others from an intimate relationship with Christ. Hebrews 12:14 teaches us, “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness, no one will see the Lord.”

Prayer: Dear God, Help us to live in unity with our neighbor. Help us to use our words to build up the Body of Christ. We ask that love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness guide our words and actions. Amen.

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Month: May 2019