How Can We Lead During A Pandemic?

How Can We Lead During A Pandemic?

todd shupe

Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save” (Psalm 146 NIV).

I enjoy participating in several men’s groups throughout the week.  Before COVID-19 these groups would meet in person at a local church, restaurant, or somebody’s house and we would read and discuss Scripture or a devotional, share our concerns and prayer requests, and enjoy fellowship with each other. 

These meetings are now on Zoom.  Although I prefer in person meetings, I am grateful for these opportunities on Zoom to spend time with my friends.  One recurrent issue that I have encountered when talking with men in group meetings or one on one is – how am I supposed to lead during this pandemic? 

These men have long been the spiritual leader in their house.  Their family looks to them for advice, leadership, and direction.  These guys have embraced this role.  Now, they are uncertain how to lead.  Their questions are:  How can I lead if I don’t know where I am going?  How can I answer questions from my family if I don’t have any answers?  How can I project calmness when I am anxious and worried? 

To be honest, I have not had very good answers to these questions.  I have many of the same questions and more.  After much thought and prayer and talking with some close friends, I hope the following may be helpful to men that are struggling with this situation. 

 

It is ok to feel uneasy during these times. 

If the disciples were nervous during a storm on the Sea of Galilee, I think it is understandable for us to be a little uneasy in our storms of life.  I think many of us have a false perception of a man based on Hollywood.  I love movies that have a strong, silent man as the hero.  He might be a cowboy working alone on the range, the last gladiator, or a street savvy boxer, etc.  These men are tough and can handle anything that comes along by themselves.   These guys are physically strong and sometimes mentally strong but without the vertical and horizonal axes of the Cross, they are spiritually bankrupt.   The vertical axis represents our relationship with God, and the horizontal axis denotes our relationship with each other.

 

Your leadership is not based upon your ability.

As we learn more about Christ and grow closer to Him, we begin to desire more of the things that He does.  We can lead more like Him when we filter our decisions through His truth, which is the only truth.  Moses and the prophets of the Old Testament were selected by God to provide His leadership to the Jewish people.  Their leadership was good and pleasing to God based on one condition:  Did they listen to God and follow His direction.  Moses, Jacob, David and others were at times obedient to God and as such enjoyed His consolations.  At other times, they were rebellious and did not have His favor.  We can also provide good leadership to our families but can only do so if we are yoked and obedient to Christ.  The Bible is full of examples in which God uses an ordinary person to do the extraordinary.  Remember King David was the youngest of eight sons.  However, the Prophet Isaiah knew that, “A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit (Isaiah 11:1).  We don’t have any control over this pandemic, but we can take comfort in the assurance that God does.  We can lead our family in prayer to “cast all of our anxiety on Him” (1 Peter 5:7).

 

Diet and exercise are important.

Many self-help books talk about the need for proper diet and exercise to maintain good physical and mental health, particularly during times of adversity.  However, we tend to be less aware of the importance of diet and exercise for our spiritual health.  Our spiritual health is a manifestation of how we feed ourselves spiritually.  We can strengthen our spiritual health through prayer, study, fellowship with other Christians, service, tithing, witness, and other means of grace.  1 Peter 2:2 teaches, “Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation.”  We can model and gently encourage proper diet and exercise for our family.

God places others in your life.

Yes, God places other people in your lives.  We should all have a few close friends that we can turn to for good advice.  If you are blessed to have a wife, you can honor her by sharing your feelings and worries with her.  God will use her to speak truth to you just as He uses you to speak to her.  Listen carefully and with discernment, and you may be blessed to hear the still small Voice of God. 

 

Prayer:  We want to be good leaders during times of uncertainty.  We question our ability to lead when we don’t know where we are going.  Help us to realize that is far more comforting for us to know You rather than to know anything else.  We cast our anxiety upon you because we know you care for us.  Amen. 

 

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Book Review: Overcoming Racial And Cultural Barriers To Disciple Men by Rev. Elmo Winters

Book Review: Overcoming Racial And Cultural Barriers To Disciple Men by Rev. Elmo Winters

And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation” (Acts 17:26 KJV).

Each generation faces unique challenges that historians use to define that time period or generation.  There are some challenges that seem to transcend time and linger from one generation to the next.  The issue of race is as old as the Biblical story of the Samaritan woman at the well that encounters Jesus, a Jew.  The nature of her heart is revealed in John 4:9. “The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)

I have been blessed to have known Elmo Winters for many years.  I am a member of the Action Team of his ministry The Kingdom Group.  A key focus of his ministry is the discipleship of men of all races.  He hosts a monthly breakfast for men of all races to openly and honestly discuss their opinions on contemporary issues.  I have seen new friendships forged from these breakfasts and improved racial relations.

The book Overcoming Racial And Cultural Barriers To Disciple Men is a welcome respite in our current divisive and polarized times.  The book addresses this lingering societal predicament among men and provides some practical solutions.  Reverend Elmo Winters has over 40 years of international ministry experience with various races to draw upon for this book. The primary focus of the book is to prepare all men to be on the front line as disciples of Christ. These targeted guys are called to lead like Christ, which goes well beyond being “born again.”  They must be committed and determined followers (disciples) of the Lord.  Disciples of Christ are not only birthed into the family of God but are skillfully trained imitators of Him.  Each chapter covers a discussion on a major hindrance to making disciples of all men, including suggestions on how to successfully overcome it.

The first chapter is titled “Examining Your Heart” and this forms an essential theme throughout the book.  The author states, “The success or failure of many endeavors are directly determined by the degree of heart engagement.”  Reconciliation is predicated upon healthy relationships but there must be a desire to be a part of the solution. 

The book states that many white people view Black Lives Matter and the Black Panthers, as divisive and offensive. “It is difficult to embrace a man who sees the merits of any organization that believes one race or people group is more valuable than another. Being a part of these is akin to being a member of the Ku Klux Klan. All such alliances as these indicate that there is a problem in the heart.”

The book is honest and real.  As a disciple of Christ, we men are called to disciple other men and not just the ones that look like us.  This book is a valuable tool for men that are serious about their discipleship.

The book can be obtained from The Kingdom Group at this Book Link.

Prayer:  Dear God, Thank you for my friend and brother Elmo Winters and this book.  Help us to love each other as You have loved us.  Help us to examine our heart and forge new relationships that are based on the heart and not outward appearances. 

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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I want to bring to your attention to a ministry that is making a positive impact in locally and nationally.  The KINGDOM Group International, Inc. is a Baton Rouge based organization that is successfully addressing racial and cultural divisiveness.  For the past 3 years this ministry has held meetings and special events that have resulted in very positive changes in the area of unity and reconciliation.

  • Giving a SINGLE GIFTin any amount; or
  • Becoming a MONTHLY DONORof $10, $25, $50, $100 or any amount; or
  • By giving an IN-KIND GIFT(office space, equipment or supplies, volunteering, other donations, etc.)

Always remember to give to your local church first.  Then, prayerfully consider how God would like you to partner with the KINGDOM Group. 

Giving to the KINGDOM GROUP is easy. You can visit Kingdom Group website and click the GIVE NOW button.  Or, you can mail your donation to KINGDOM Group, 8733 Siegen Lane, Ste. 141, Baton Rouge, LA 70810.  You may also call Rev. Elmo Winters at (225) 305-3006 for additional information. The KINGDOM Group is a 501(c)3 tax-exempt organization.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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I encourage you to prayerfully consider joining me in donating to Rev. Mark Lubbock’s ministry – Gulf South Men. Please visit Gulf South Men’s website and GSMen.org to get a glimpse of the scope and impact of this ministry or give Mark a call at (225)252-3331. Mark’s ministry helps men become Disciples that are servant leaders as modeled by Jesus. His work cuts across boundaries of denomination, race, age, etc. His goal is to raise up Godly men that bring Christ into their homes and families and then out into the world. There have been dramatic impacts on men, but the ultimate beneficiaries are wives and families.

I have been blessed to have worked alongside Mark in ministry for several years and have seen the Holy Spirit work through him. If you have any questions or suggestions about the ministry, financial plans, etc. please give Mark a call (225)252-3331. I know he will be happy to chat with you.

To donate please go to — Donate.. Most importantly, I ask that you pray for God’s provision and protection for Mark and his wife, Vickie, and his ministry. Please ask God what amount He would have you contribute and whatever amount He puts on your heart is certainly the right amount, even if its zero. God bless!

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him.  Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.   How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!  He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates (Psalm 127:3-5 NLT).

Each year parents with good intentions will search for books to improve their parenting skills.  As parents we love our children and want them to have a good life and be happy.  We purchase material things to make them happy.  We take them on vacations, baseball practice, etc. to make them happy.  All of these are good things, but they don’t really provide the child with what he or she really craves.

The Bible is the best book for raising children because, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16).

The greatest need for our children is our unconditional love.  The home must be a place where they are always accepted and appreciated.  Go back and read The Parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-32.  The 

unconditional love that our Heavenly Father has for us is the same love we must have for our children.  When we show our children love, we are showing them God.  As fathers we need to model love at home.  They need to see how we love them, the rest of the family, and all guests that enter our house.   Our actions must reinforce our words.

Our children will soon be adults and their parenting skills will largely be based on what they observed from us.   The gifts and trips will fade from memory.  Our words will also fade.  What remains is feelings.  Hopefully, the feelings are of unconditional love, which will be passed on to the next generation.

Some fathers are the life of the party when out in public.  They are considered a fun guy, always quick with a joke, but at home they are the opposite.   I think it’s easy to love people at a distance, but when you’re with them all the time, little things can become annoying.  If we are intentional to ensure that our words are words of life, wherever we are, then we are showing and teaching love to our family and our entire life is a powerful witness.

Back in school, if you received a grade of an A you knew that you did good.  A lot of times we love our kids, but we don’t express it in a way they can understand it. Children understand love in three ways: affection, affirmation, and attention.  These provide the basis for a AAA-rated father.  Please check our more thoughts in Part 2.

1.

Affection. Children need our hugs and kisses. They need to feel our love.

2.

Affirmation. Children need to be affirmed.  Build them up with words of love.  

3.

Attention. Children need our attention. Our time is precious and when we give our time to our children, we are creating valuable memories for us and them. Be present when you are present – put down the smart phone.

Prayer:  Thank you for the blessing of children.  Be with us as we try to raise our children to love and honor you.  Amen.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Present but Absent

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“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2 ESV).

Many men are inherently competitive.  We want to be the best at what we do.  It pushes us to harvest the largest buck deer, catch the biggest fish, or grow the largest tomato.  We even compete in fantasy football.  A competitive nature helps us climb the ladder at work.   This inner drive has helped us to be financial providers for our families.  However, many men do not realize that they have other roles in the family besides financial.

I have talked to many men over the years that feel torn between responsibilities at work and home.  They struggle to find a balance between the two.  I have also talked to many men that have expressed an inner emptiness. Life is boring and seems to have no real purpose.  Many of these men are very successful businessmen and want for no material items

Today’s professional demands are tough.  Young professionals are traveling more for work today than any other time in history.  The competition in the market is tough both within your own company for promotions and from competitors for sales.   Many men will embrace the competition, either willingly or unwillingly and spend evenings and weekends at work to get ahead. 

Sadly, these men are often absent when they are present with their families.  Their minds are preoccupied with work, their fingers are busy texting on their phones, or their phone is glued to their ear.  They are conformed to this world.  The Apostle Paul teaches us, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).  I think it is admirable to do your best at work.    Paul also instructed, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving” (Colossians 3:23-24). 

Working hard at work is admirable and good, especially if you are working as if for the Lord.  However, remember the old adage, “On their death bed, no one ever wished they had spent more time at work.”  I am not suggesting that you spend less time at work or more time at work.  I am suggesting that you not only use your natural competitive spirit at work but also at home.  Try to be the best father and husband that you can be.  I saw a recent episode of Dr. Phil where he encouraged men to be a provider, protector, leader, and teacher for his family.  I suspect that Retired U.S. Army Lt. Gen.  Jerry Boykin would agree since they are both saying essentially the same thing.   So, continue to do your best at work but remember to do your best at home too!

Prayer:  Dear God:  We want to provide for our families.  Help us remember that all we have now and in the future is a blessing from you.  Help us to do our best at work and at home.  Amen.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe  is a Men’s Ministry Specialist under the direction of the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is concurrently in training to become a Lay Minister under the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He enjoys writing inspirational Christian blogs at ToddShupe.com and Todd-Shupe.com .

Thank you for visiting. We trust that you have enjoyed reading our articles.

Men, You Can Add Power to Your Prayers!

Men, You Can Add Power to Your Prayers!

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours” (Mark 11:24 NIV).

Our prayers already have great power – more than we can ever imagine.  The problem is that we often fail to recognize the power of our prayers.

Prayer is an open line of communication with God.  The idea that we have 24/7 ability to connect to the Creator of heaven and earth is hard to comprehend.

First, why would God want to talk with us? Is there a right and wrong way to pray? Why does God answer some prayers but not others? Does it matter that we only have a little faith?

Thankfully, the Bible gives us insight into these questions and more. Since God desires to have a relationship with us and knows of our human frailties, it’s no surprise He gives us some help.  Below are some of my favorite Scriptures on prayer.

1.

Luke 18:13-14: “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

This Scripture is from the well-known story of the Pharisee and the tax collector praying in the temple, reveals the prayer that allows us to enter into a relationship with God: “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” The tax collector was honest with God about his sin. He humbled himself, repented, and acknowledged his need for God’s mercy.

Summary:  The first step in developing a prayer life is to humble our self and call upon God for salvation. 

2.

Psalm 66:18: “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.”

The Psalmist teaches us a major obstacle to God’s willingness to hear our prayers—unconfessed sin.  The word “cherished” means to embrace.   If we embrace our sin, we are not reconciled with God, and the sin will act as an impediment between us.    God knows we will not live a sinless life, but He does want us to continue to remove our sins.  “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Summary—We can’t live a consistently sinful lifestyle and expect God to hear our prayers.

3.

“The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry.”

As we move closer to God, we begin to gain more of His peace which transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).  We know that He is listening to our prayers because we are both seeking the same things. The Psalmist assures us that He is carefully attuned to our lives.

Summary—If you trust God, He will hear your prayers.

4.

Daniel 9:18: “We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy.”

This verse is from Daniel’s prayer on behalf of the Jews exiled in Babylon.  It reveals an important truth about prayer—that God answers our prayers because of His mercy, not our good works.  While there is nothing we can do to earn our salvation, God’s intention is that our salvation will result in acts of service.   

Summary—God’s mercy, not our actions, is the basis for answered prayers.

5.

Psalm 5:3: “In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.”

The Psalmist is teaching us to have eager expectation as we pray.  This is reinforced in the Mark 11:24.   “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”  As we pray with confidence, God sees our faith and trust in Him.

Summary—Pray with anticipation that God will hear your request.

Prayer:  Dear God:  We thank you for the blessing of prayer.  May we always be appreciative of it.  Amen.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Men, What Do You Crave?

Men, What Do You Crave?

Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation(1 Peter 2:2 NIV).

We all have cravings.  A craving is a deep desire that implies something stronger than a mere want or desire.  Life is full of temptations and urgent problems which all serve as distractions from our spiritual cravings.  So, how can we be expected to sustain a spiritual appetite?  Below are five steps to consider. 

1.

Remember God loves you always

Nothing can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).  His grace is infinitely stronger than our sin.  A life lived in Him and for Him means that “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12).  Stand firm on His promises.

2.

Stop filling up on junk food

We all have free will to choose how we feed ourselves.  Some of us will try to complete themselves with work, promotions, status, salary, power, possessions, etc.  These things feed the ego “flesh” but not the soul “spirit.” If you feed the flesh, you will never be satiated.  Proverbs 15:14 teaches, The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.”

3.

Put God first in all things

As Christian men we need to have a hunger for God and His word.  There is nothing no important than Him and our relationship with Him.  Everything else (family, work, house, hobbies, etc.) will all fall into place when we maintain a spiritual hunger for God.  The hunger for God must be sincere and must be a natural product of prayer and submission to the Holy Spirit.  The Apostle Paul wrote, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation (Philippians 4:12).  His secret was living through God and tapping into His strength.

4.

Get into God’s Word every day

The Bible is God’s word and nourishment for our souls. Eating one healthy meal a week won’t keep your body healthy.  The same is true for our spiritual health.  We need to feed on His word every day.  1 Peter 2:2 teaches us, “You must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment.”

5.

Appetite is influenced by association

We influence each other.  Our thoughts, opinions, accents, etc. are influenced by those close to us.   Men need a band of brothers for the battle.  We need others seeking God’s face in our foxhole.  My weekly small group of men helps me to hunger for God.  Proverbs 27:17 teaches us, As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

Prayer:  Dear God:  We pray the prayer of Psalmist in Psalm 51:10.  “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Who Is In Your Foxhole?

Who Is In Your Foxhole?

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24 NIV).

A few years ago I had the pleasure of meeting Coach Jeff Kisiah “Coach K” at an Iron Sharpens Iron men’s equipping conference.  He spoke about the importance of foxhole friends and the strength of a threefold cord (Ecclesiastes 4:12).  This man of God recently went on to Glory, but he left behind a legacy.  The basis for the annual, national conference is Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another.”

Men tend to forge on alone when times are tough, but we all need friends in our foxholes to help us in tough times.  For this to happen we need good relationships to develop good friends.  Good relationships don’t happen by accident. They take cultivation, work, and a lot of time. That requires commitment.

If you have the honor of being married, I hope your wife is your best friend.  In addition, men need other men in their lives.   In the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, he writes, “Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.”  Men are warriors at heart, and there is strength in numbers.   Strong warriors that are seeking God’s face will have the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) to protect them in battle.

So, how do we form close relationships?  Every important, close connection begins with a commitment. If you want to get beyond shallow, superficial relationships, you’ve got to be willing to stick with it. “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24 NIV).  Close friends are like brothers.  They are dependable in good times and bad.  They build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Ephesians 6:18). 

Likewise, how do we avoid the trap of having acquaintances and not close friends?  Did you know that your socializing can keep you from having deep relationships? You can be so busy networking, contacting, and making acquaintances that you never invest the time and energy and effort it takes to cultivate the deep, satisfying intimacy of a good friend or a good spouse. 

It’s not wrong to have a lot of acquaintances, but they can keep you so busy that you don’t develop any vital, close relationships. You don’t need a lot of friends to make it in this world, but you do need a few good ones. Focus on quality, not quantity. Your acquaintances—your hundreds of Facebook “friends” and Instagram followers—aren’t necessarily going to be there when you need them. But the friends you are truly connected and committed to will be there and stick closer than a brother.  Your close friends will always be in your foxhole.  Rest in peace Coach K.

Prayer:  Dear God, Thank you for the blessing of having Godly men in our lives.  Please use them to speak truth to us and may be always be receptive to the truth.  Amen.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Fathering A Special Needs Child

Fathering A Special Needs Child

1As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”  John 9:1-3 (NIV)

On April 26, 2018, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released new data on the prevalence of autism in the United States. This surveillance study identified 1 in 59 children (1 in 37 boys and 1 in 151 girls) as having autism spectrum disorder (ASD).  Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and autism are both general terms for a group of complex disorders of brain development. These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors.

My second child, Kyle, was born May 24, 2002.  He was a big, healthy baby and was, and will always be, a tremendous blessing to me.  We noticed at an early age that he was not reaching the “typical” milestones for babies and toddlers in terms of walking, talking, etc.  We eventually had him tested for hearing loss, brain function, blood tests, etc.  All of the tests came back normal, but his development was not normal.  In particular, he showed little interest in talking and had a very limited vocabulary. 

We finally had him diagnosed by a doctor and received the diagnosis of PDD-NOS.  I remember looking at that and thinking ok well now we know what we have so let’s make a plan to fix it.  However, I later realized that autism is a spectrum disorder with no known cure, and each person that has it falls onto the spectrum of somewhere between high functioning to severe.  You may recall the movie Temple Grandin which was about an animal science professor that had high functioning autism.  PDD-NOS stands for pervasive development disorder – not otherwise specified, which to me simply means – we don’t really know what your child has so we created a category and called it PDD-NOS instead of WDK (we don’t know).

As a family with a special needs child, the family has special needs.  The family needs schools, churches, restaurants, dentists, etc that are accommodating to special needs children.  We were blessed to find an excellent PreK program at Southdowns Elementary in Baton Rouge.  However, he aged out of the program and we were left looking at our education options which ranged from lousy to expensive.  We declined lousy and hired a private teacher to work with our son.  Also, our church was accommodating and invited us to attend several meetings to discuss setting up a special needs Sunday School room. 

I have heard some parents say that when they received the diagnosis of autism for their child they felt as if part of their child had died.  They have told me that their dreams and hopes for their child have been shattered and they were forced to realize that their child will not live a “typical” life.  I never felt that way.  I believe in continuous improvement.  So, Kyle goes to school year around.  This is expensive, but it is best for his development.  I realize that there are many things he will never do such as get married, drive a car, or play high school sports and that is fine with me.  I focus on the things that he can do.  He can go for walks with me and hold my hand.  He can go to the movies with me and share a tub of popcorn and a soda while we enjoy an animated movie.  He enjoys playing fetch with our dog.  And he can give the best hugs that can cure a head ache much better than any aspirin. 

A child with special needs certainly does put a strain on any marriage.  A 2010 study conducted by the University of Wisconsin at Madison found that parents with ASD children were nearly twice as likely to get divorced than couples without disabled children. The study revealed something interesting: the divorce rates in parents with disabled children did not increase until the children became teens or adults.  My own marriage ended after 20 years when Kyle was 12 years old. 

Kyle has a bright future.   I want him to become as independent as possible.  Like other children, he yearns for his father’s approval and I try to always acknowledge every good thing that he does.  So, there is no need to change or “cure” Kyle.  He is perfect just as he is.  He is a child of God, and a tremendous blessing to me.  I do want him to live a happy life and be as independent as possible. 

We hold hands and pray before each meal.  I offer the blessing and then gently squeeze his hand at the end and he clearly and proudly says “Amen!”   Kyle is a blessing to me and has taught me so much about what is really important in life. 

Prayer:  Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the blessing to be a father.  We recognize that all of us are your children and heirs to your Kingdom.  Help us to raise our children to reach their full potential.  We know that you want all of the children to come to you and that gives us peace.  Thank you for your son and the forgiveness of sins and life everlasting.  We love you and need you.  Amen.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Thank you for visiting. We trust that you have enjoyed reading our articles.

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